i'm back!

well, i never really left...just didn't feel like writing on here.  i've been through a lot, though.  one thing that i'm struggling with that continues to plague my mind is...well, it's my boyfriend.  ok...now, i know that he has friends who are girls.  however, when they are ex-girlfriends...i guess i just feel the connection that he had with them.  and maybe it's just me being jealous.  but why should i be worrying about my boyfriend's ex's?  because i had to meet them last week for the July 4th party at his house and his birthday party!  the last time i had to meet an ex didn't work out so well.  he was just talking to her and basically ignoring me.  on Independence Day, i met the "fun-sized" one the i have never met before.  she wasn't all over him and he didn't exclude me.  however, he did forget to introduce me.  other than that, it wasn't too bad.  then i had to see HP again...she's the one that i met at the wedding.  this time it was BJB's B-day party.  she arrived last.  BJB kept me close to him all night...but when he wanted to show his guy friends the engine parts he had in the basement, she HAD to follow them down there...despite the fact that he told her not to.  so i stayed upstairs with the other party guests.  i didn't want to seem like a leech or that i didn't trust him.  but the thing that bothered me the most was when he wouldn't let her leave!  everybody else left when they wanted to, but when she announced she was ready to go, he was making it a big deal.  i don't understand why....  he hadn't seen her the same amount of time he hadn't seen his other friend DD and he let her leave alot earlier without any complaints.  ugh.  there is something about HP that i can't figure out why he wants to be around her sooo much.  from my experience with her, she's rude and inconsiderate.  it makes me wonder if he really does CARE only for ME.  my past relationships have all dealt with my bf going back with an ex and cheating on me.  i don't want to go through this again.  i really do cherish BJB.  he's just about everything i've been looking for.  someone who is loving and thoughtful, who believes like i do, who has an accepting family, who wants to make me happy all the time, who has a plan and a future, who is dedicated to what he believes in....  but i just don't know why he wants to hangout with his ex-girlfriends at all the parties we have.  i understand not having ill will for your ex's, but wanting to be like best friends while you're in a relationship is something i can't comprehend.  it hurts.  it hurts alot.  it makes me wonder how much he's reallly into me.  then i start saying things like "i care alot about you" and things like that to see what he'll say....i hate doing it, because it feels like i'm trying to force him to say something affectionate back to me.  ugh.  i suppose everyday can't be all rainbows and butterflies.