so, i haven't written in a while.  it's because my life has been very busy since classes finished a few weeks ago.  i can't believe how much i've done so far this summer!  i have been to the beach, the lake, and the river.  i've also started a painting...which i hope turns out ok.  i might do another one by the time i get finished with this one.  who knows...  i'm also heading up the re-building of an orgainzation.  it's going to be alot of fun.  my friend is going to help me put together a poster for orientations and i need to order some scrubs to wear to the event.  it's going to be sooo much fun!!!i've also started exercising a little bit.  i've noticed that i've put on a couple of pounds since last fall, not good.  i know that i'm not fat...but i just don't like the lil "puge" i've acquired and my upper legs getting "larger"... 

BJB and i are doing terrific!!!!  we hung out with some friends yesterday at his house.  after they left, we went on the front porch to be alone.  it was sooo beautiful out there.  and the way he was holding me was sooo perfect.  he is soo sweet and caring.  when we were on the double rocking chair sitting in each other's arms, it was so calming and peaceful.  then i had to start thinking...i was doing the girl thing (well, i attribute it to being a "girl thing" because there is no rational explanation for it) where you think about how 'he' might just be playing you, making you think that you are special when in reality you're just his toy in a game that ends all to quickly.  but then i asked myself a question that i never thought of before:  even if it is all just a game and heartache might be at the end of this relationship, is he worth it all?  is he worth the happiness that seems to be the best i've felt in a very very long time?  is he worth all the "firsts" that i have and will never have again?  and i realized that, yes!  he is worht it, because whether or not he deeply cares about me like i care about him, he makes me feel things i never thought i could feel again.  he makes me feel like there is hope for tomorrow...and if tomorrow never comes, he made today worth living.  sometimes it's almost scary how perfect for me he is.  it's like he was made just for me and me for him.  we are two people who make each other feel safe, cared for, happy, and can talk about any and every thing.  or we can just sit in silence and know how the other is feeling.

all i know is i'm very happy right now...and i hope i am for a long time